Firstly, let me start this post by saying damn it is cold here!!!! I know, I know, I seem to lament about the weather a lot here but honestly, these past few days have been brutal. There is a northish wind coming through making it feel like about -40C! This hearty Canadian, who lived and worked in the arctic is FREEZING!!!! Palm Springs cannot come soon enough!
I will always be the first to acknowledge that I have an amazing community of friends and family from all parts of my life, and I attribute that to my parents and the fact that we moved throughout my childhood - and of course Facebook. Friends and family have always been very important to me, and I don't let go of people too easily, so when I made the decision to move overseas, I really wondered how I would go about making new friends and building a new community. As much as everyone thinks that I am an extrovert and very outgoing, I am at work but not really in my personal life. I am quite content to hermit at home and if I don't see another person all weekend, I am okay with that - or so I thought. What I have realized is that I was okay with that because if I did want to see someone or be around people, I could, as I have a great community of friends. Well, over here in The Hague - that isn't the case and truth be told, I am a little lonely. Not lonely in the way of sitting by myself crying, but lonely because I don't have someone to call if I wanted to be around people.
That is slowly changing though, as my friend Skye and her family arrived in The Hague on Monday. She also works for Shell and her and I have worked together in various capacities over the past 6 years and are in fact good friends. So it is so nice to have her and her husband here. As well, another girl that I know from work, Lindsey, her and her fiancé moved here about 2 weeks ago and we went for dinner last night. And there are a few other Canadians at work that I knew before I left and I have them. So slowly my network is growing.
Another community that has always was a big part of my life in Calgary was my faith community and leaving it was hard, especially wondering if I would be able to find a new one where I felt the same level of comfort and acceptance. Prior to my leaving, my friend and colleague Jason asked me if I had found a faith community in The Hague yet and if I hadn't, he would put me in touch with Tim at the American Protestant Church in The Hague I had looked and found an Episcopal church here in The Hague but really I was open to anything. Tim got in touch with me prior to my leaving Calgary and invited me to come and check out his church and up until today, I have either been too lazy or gone to attend church. My colleague Marja (pronounced Maria) also goes to this church so on Friday we agreed to meet up and go together and I can say that I have found my new faith community here in The Hague. APC is kind of a hodge podge of a church that has both the traditional aspects that I have come to be rather attached to in the Anglican church but also has the contemporary aspects that I also crave as a younger person. If you want the more traditional, you can go to either the early or the late service and if you want the contemporary, you go to the middle service - so this is going to work for me. Plus, it is in English - always a plus over here and is a real mixture of people and cultures.
Think about how you meet people. Often through work - which I am doing, but also through your other hobbies or interests. I have joined a bunch of meet up groups, expat sites and the one that I think will be the best - the Clandestine Cake Club (you bake a cake and get together with a bunch of random people who have done the same) with the hopes of meeting some new people and developing that new community and adding to my circle of friends. I also think that once I move into my permanent house, get all of my stuff and get settled, I will feel more apt to wanting to go out more and meet people but right now, I am still feeling in that state of flux.
But for now, I rely on technology - such a great thing - to keep in touch. Between BBM, texting, Facebook, Skype and Facetime, I am able to see, talk and keep up to date on what is happening with all of my friends and family back home and that helps to lessen the loneliness. I am also super excited that my mom will be coming back with me to The Netherlands in a couple of weeks - now I will be able to show and share part of my new life with someone - that is what I really miss - being able to share things with someone. I know that it will be a little tough for her because she is coming without my dad and doesn't like to travel without him but also also at the same time, I think that it will give her some comfort to actually see where her baby is living and know that she is okay. :-)
Now please don't read to much into this post by thinking "OMG, poor Heather - she is all lonely and by herself over there" - yes, some of that is true, but I am just being frank about what it is like to move, to another country, by yourself, in your late 30s.
Oh - and I miss my baby.
I will always be the first to acknowledge that I have an amazing community of friends and family from all parts of my life, and I attribute that to my parents and the fact that we moved throughout my childhood - and of course Facebook. Friends and family have always been very important to me, and I don't let go of people too easily, so when I made the decision to move overseas, I really wondered how I would go about making new friends and building a new community. As much as everyone thinks that I am an extrovert and very outgoing, I am at work but not really in my personal life. I am quite content to hermit at home and if I don't see another person all weekend, I am okay with that - or so I thought. What I have realized is that I was okay with that because if I did want to see someone or be around people, I could, as I have a great community of friends. Well, over here in The Hague - that isn't the case and truth be told, I am a little lonely. Not lonely in the way of sitting by myself crying, but lonely because I don't have someone to call if I wanted to be around people.
That is slowly changing though, as my friend Skye and her family arrived in The Hague on Monday. She also works for Shell and her and I have worked together in various capacities over the past 6 years and are in fact good friends. So it is so nice to have her and her husband here. As well, another girl that I know from work, Lindsey, her and her fiancé moved here about 2 weeks ago and we went for dinner last night. And there are a few other Canadians at work that I knew before I left and I have them. So slowly my network is growing.
Another community that has always was a big part of my life in Calgary was my faith community and leaving it was hard, especially wondering if I would be able to find a new one where I felt the same level of comfort and acceptance. Prior to my leaving, my friend and colleague Jason asked me if I had found a faith community in The Hague yet and if I hadn't, he would put me in touch with Tim at the American Protestant Church in The Hague I had looked and found an Episcopal church here in The Hague but really I was open to anything. Tim got in touch with me prior to my leaving Calgary and invited me to come and check out his church and up until today, I have either been too lazy or gone to attend church. My colleague Marja (pronounced Maria) also goes to this church so on Friday we agreed to meet up and go together and I can say that I have found my new faith community here in The Hague. APC is kind of a hodge podge of a church that has both the traditional aspects that I have come to be rather attached to in the Anglican church but also has the contemporary aspects that I also crave as a younger person. If you want the more traditional, you can go to either the early or the late service and if you want the contemporary, you go to the middle service - so this is going to work for me. Plus, it is in English - always a plus over here and is a real mixture of people and cultures.
Think about how you meet people. Often through work - which I am doing, but also through your other hobbies or interests. I have joined a bunch of meet up groups, expat sites and the one that I think will be the best - the Clandestine Cake Club (you bake a cake and get together with a bunch of random people who have done the same) with the hopes of meeting some new people and developing that new community and adding to my circle of friends. I also think that once I move into my permanent house, get all of my stuff and get settled, I will feel more apt to wanting to go out more and meet people but right now, I am still feeling in that state of flux.
But for now, I rely on technology - such a great thing - to keep in touch. Between BBM, texting, Facebook, Skype and Facetime, I am able to see, talk and keep up to date on what is happening with all of my friends and family back home and that helps to lessen the loneliness. I am also super excited that my mom will be coming back with me to The Netherlands in a couple of weeks - now I will be able to show and share part of my new life with someone - that is what I really miss - being able to share things with someone. I know that it will be a little tough for her because she is coming without my dad and doesn't like to travel without him but also also at the same time, I think that it will give her some comfort to actually see where her baby is living and know that she is okay. :-)
Now please don't read to much into this post by thinking "OMG, poor Heather - she is all lonely and by herself over there" - yes, some of that is true, but I am just being frank about what it is like to move, to another country, by yourself, in your late 30s.
Oh - and I miss my baby.
No surprises there, I bet a lot, if not most, of the folks in your line of work are professional extroverts, but privately are a little introverted. Guess you can't always be ON! But I am sure you will develop that sense of community that you crave and will just add a whole new group of friends to the mix.
ReplyDeleteHeather, we are missing you here too. We drove by your house the other day and thought, wow, she's not there. Let us know when you are free for a Skype, we'd love to chat.
ReplyDeleteHeather I totally relate and understand exactly where you're coming from. It's even harder in a country with the language barrier and cultural differences. I went through a similar experience when I moved to the middle east, despite being really excited to be over there, at first you really feel like you are missing everything that is happening at home and you want folks at home to be able to share it with you. And even though technology is great, it also reminds you how much you miss your friends and family! The time change can make it challenging too...
ReplyDeleteMy advice would be to give yourself time to settle in and get used to everything and to try to enjoy all the differences and little things and keep yourself busy. I found that after the first six months, things started to get easier, you know your way around a bit better, understand the language a bit, and you've started to establish a little network. Next thing you know you'll be packing to come back! That's what happened to me - 3 years zipped by in the blink of an eye!
Hang in there - you'll enjoy the ride!
Nancy